The Reverend

wormy bag

Sean King

Sybil Salamander

Benjamin Chandler

English

The old lady struggled to open the heavy glass door to the doctors office, a little boy flew past her making her lose her footing almost falling.

The little boy tipped his hat and apologised but that wasn't enough, the lady leaped at the boy and clobbered him into a paste in a nerve decision. The doctor watched helplessly, knowing that he must preserve his body from any fights because of his wife's plans that night...

which involved assaulting a child. The lady looked a lot like his wife, too. “Hedwig? Is that you?”, he asked, “Are we caught in a time loop? Also, leave that kid alone!”

"No way!" said Hedwig as she grabbed the kid. "I need this kid for my MLM scam!" The dude simply stared at her, shocked. "But...you...you're Hedwig, my wife, right? No way you are doing MLM scams! That's not the Hedwig I know!" Her eyes widened. "What? Who the heck are you?"

Who the heck was I? I looked at the words my grandma'd needlepointed & framed on the living room wall. "Know thyself," her words read. A face in a nearby mirror stared hideously back at me. Did I need Avon? MaryKay? Maybe joining an MLM would help me find myself. Hello—Herbalife?

Pyramid Scream

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Goose

A.L. Riddle

Chloe Conlan

fang punched the thick glass hoping to escape the abandoned warehouse. he looked around for a key...anything that might help him to break the window. "I'm going to go insane slowly" he thought thinking

unwillingly about what had happened last time someone went into this place. "Ghosts ATE'im!" Lacy had said, "No bones or nothin' left!" So, like an idiot, Fang just HAD to check it out. What he had found was worse. Much worse. 
A scraping sound behind him made his blood run cold.

The scraping noise only grew louder as Fang slowly turned, a shiver creeping up his spine. It was so dark he could barely see, his breath pluming in front of him in the cold. And then he saw it.

At first, Fang couldn't determine what because it was shrouded in darkness, but when he checked his guide he realised that he had encountered the mighty Pooplicker... one of the most dangerous of all. Fang retreated to the bathroom in the blink of an eye and peered in the toilet.

He saw a beautiful face staring back at him. It was love at first sight! He was dumbfounded and transfixed. The still water and diffused light had turned the toilet into a perfect mirror.

Bone smoothie

Aaron Wilson

The cold wind howled as Aaron and Ariel fought the nipping cold winter wind in search of shelter amidst the cold Alaskan wilderness.

“Just think”, said Aaron, “if our names were Bertram and Bernice we could be lost in Bora Bora instead! Belayed on the beach, imagine that?” Ariel shook her head, saying “Alliteration is indeed a cruel mistress.”

"You're right! Ha HA ha h a haa..." 
Aaron slumped forward. 
"Aaron? Aaron!" Ariel cried, shaking him. 
His eyes didn't open. She shook him again, harder.
"Aaron! Don't you DARE die on me!"
She felt a tear freeze on her cheek.

Aaron sprang back to his feet and brushed himself off. 'Sorry, just tired.' Ariel sighed in relief, wrapping her arms around Aaron and drawing a knife. 'thank god for that.' Aaron releases from the hug almost instantly. Ariel's eyes gravitate away from Aaron. 'Ugh..' she mutters.

Crawling across the sand, a little red crab shuffles to a rhythm it must only hear in its mind. Ariel is curiously drawn to it. Aaron calls after her, but she must not hear for she follows the crab into the heaving surf. A wave crashes over her & she is swept away, under the sea.

Winter water wannabes

Aleece Sherwood Hugon

The golden casserole jumped into the lava and kept screaming for help until the chef came.

"Why do you do this?" he yelled. "You jump into lava and scream for help!? Why? You can just not jump into lava!"

"Chef sir!" yelled the golden casserole. "But now you look at me yeah?"

'I do, casserole,' replies the chef, 'and I find that you are NOT in your place.' 'But I am alive, chef! Do you see the absurdity of that?? The potential? I'm an anomaly that disproves so many scientific facts!!' 'You're right,' sobs the chef, 'none of this is even real anyway..'

“I’m real, you can be 100% certain of that, chef!” To emphasize my point, I made a fist and pounded my own chest. My fist went right through thick layers of fondant and marzipan. “Cake?” My voice broke as I asked the chef, “Am I made of cake?”

Gustav’s eyes softened as he nodded toward a waiter I’d known for years. “Look,” he said, gently brushing marzipan from my shoulder, “it could be worse - at least you’re not made of soup like Jimmy.” For the first time I noticed a wobbly quality to Jimmy’s limbs. Gazpacho?

A fly landed on Jimmy's nose & began to slop around in his viscosity. "Waiter," I said, "what is a fly doing in my Jimmy?" The waiter looked over at poor, liquid James & inspected the invasive insect. "I believe it's doing the dog paddle," he drawled. Yes, reader, I went there.

Out of the casserole dish and into the fire

Carnage Dragon

Atziri Yazack Barrera Alapizco

Josh Hansen

The first day we met, my friends were saying rude things as you were bad and why i was so kind and caring for you, and what happened next ?

We were friends, we stopped talking because of my worries, but I decided to talk to you again and then we became more than friends.

In typical fashion we divorced not long after out of concern for our platonic relationship. Then some years later I approached them again and agreed to connect my body with them, mirroring our previous development. Golly gosh. You'd hope this wouldn't get any worse, but...

…but soon we were cuddling under the stars and dancing with them, feeling the development of our relationships getting arrested. And then we ACTUALLY got arrested, for connecting our bodies together in a public space. Surprisingly, that’s when things started looking up.

We were under arrest, locked in jail for the weekend. The good news was the only cell available for us was the honeymoon suite, which was surprisingly nice.

A Crime of passion

MacMarc0815

RAYLOR

Sky B

First I thought I was blind but noticed that my surrounding was completely black. Suddenly a door in front of me was being opened. Confused I stumbled forward into the light. I heard a crowd and a loud voice from above yelled. "Welcome all, this will be a fight to the death"!

The only reason I considered the possibility of being blinded was because I was hit by a truck five minutes ago. Despite this, I was in the middle of a Roman arena with a massive crowd. Before I could think I was ambushed and a spear was to my throat. 'Mercy me!' I yelled.

‘Mercy?’ Spat the great hulk of a gladiator, looming above me. ‘You expect me to be merciful after what you did to my brother? No, I’m going to make this nice and slow for you.’ With the last few words he ground the tip of his spear against my throat.

No, I don’t want to die like this, with shame! There’s no point of asking for mercy now. If I’m going to die.. I would die holding my sword, fighting! “I dragged myself away from the spear and with a quick move I picked up my sword. I coughed, I’m tired, but that won’t stop me!”

I got a burst of adrenaline & swung my sword at my sworn enemy's chest, slashing him. His eyes widened, surprised. "That's what you get for killing my brother," I shouted. But then I collapsed from my own wounds. We both lay on the ground, motionless, as the grim reaper arrived.

Soon I felt a familiar dark mist begin overtaking my body while chains pulled me down into the earth. As I struggled to resist, a deep voice from the mist grumbled, “One more, then no more.” The reaper suddenly appeared, swiped his scythe to break the chains, then vanished.

I knew this was it, my last chance at life. I walked away from all my troubles, and went somewhere warm. I spend my days fishing and my nights learning the harmonica. It was a good life. Six months later I was struck in the head by a plum-sized meteorite and died instantly.

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