Butt Ugly

How would you describe your best friend?

Nonexistent. Not around. A figment of my imagination. My best friend does not exist, no, nor do my regular friends.

Do I even exist? We’re all just spinning on this big ass rock through space. But what even is space?! Can anything really be proven or justified? Anyway, that’s enough philosophical contemplation for today, I’m heading off to bed.

“Wait, Professor?” A student asked from the back row. “Yes?” “What’s an ass-rock, and how big is big when it comes to ass-rocks?” Suppressed giggles through the room. “That’s an intentional hyphen misplacement and you know it!” He yelled back.

But ever since that day he was plagued with the thought of ass-rocks. As much as he’d tried to suppress it, forced his whole life into the role of academic, he could no longer hold himself back: the time had come for him to leave the classroom and become a sculptor.

So then he tried making a sculpture he made it and tried to sell it… it was the ugliest thing people ever seen

The sculpture's ugliness was so intense that a 3rd world dictator tried to buy it. She wanted to use it as a form of punishment. All criminals against the state would be forced to sit in a room with this ugly statue & stare at it. She was willing to pay the artist $2 million.

"Not for sale." The artist knew this woman only wanted to buy the sculpture for its profound ugliness. "$10 million," she countered, imagining the torture she could inflict. "$100 million," the artist said, offended, but weary. Under the shadow of the grotesque form, they shook.