Davi Razuj

Sean King

Jacob Sherman

Benjamin Chandler

Pennywise  

Rietje Becker

Sam Becker

English

The story starts she John meet a Karen at his job in the supermarket

John wondered why she could possibly need 3 shopping carts full of sauerkraut. Could she be the wurst queen? He decided to just ask her.

John mustered up all his courage and asked the lady. “So-“ “Hinga durgen, poopenfarten! Pretzel schnitzel.” “Right, what’s with all this saeurkraut anyways?”

John knew all the right things to say to a Fräulein. Before he knew it, she had her rouladen all over his kartoffelpuffer. His käsespätzle jingled betwixt her maultaschen, & the her labskaus got all over his königsberger klopse. The kitchen was a mess, but love was in the air.

"Oh, bloody hell! What have you done to the place?" The two lovers, tanged in each others arms, inches away from touching lips, looked to the kitchen dictator, somewhat puzzled. For a moment, they had entirely forgotten about the competition. "Wake up! Back to work you muppets!"

The fantasy turned to nightmare as they awoke to an uncooked dish. Luckily they had some tricks up their sleeves (and pants). They quickly swapped their dish for a pre-baked one. ”Times up!” the dictator yelled. To everyone’s surprise they’d won the contest—and found a soulmate.

Give me your wurst

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Adia Reynolds

Yolanda W

Nonexistent. Not around. A figment of my imagination. My best friend does not exist, no, nor do my regular friends.

Do I even exist? We’re all just spinning on this big ass rock through space. But what even is space?! Can anything really be proven or justified? Anyway, that’s enough philosophical contemplation for today, I’m heading off to bed.

“Wait, Professor?” A student asked from the back row. “Yes?” “What’s an ass-rock, and how big is big when it comes to ass-rocks?” Suppressed giggles through the room. “That’s an intentional hyphen misplacement and you know it!” He yelled back.

But ever since that day he was plagued with the thought of ass-rocks. As much as he’d tried to suppress it, forced his whole life into the role of academic, he could no longer hold himself back: the time had come for him to leave the classroom and become a sculptor.

So then he tried making a sculpture he made it and tried to sell it… it was the ugliest thing people ever seen

The sculpture's ugliness was so intense that a 3rd world dictator tried to buy it. She wanted to use it as a form of punishment. All criminals against the state would be forced to sit in a room with this ugly statue & stare at it. She was willing to pay the artist $2 million.

"Not for sale." The artist knew this woman only wanted to buy the sculpture for its profound ugliness. "$10 million," she countered, imagining the torture she could inflict. "$100 million," the artist said, offended, but weary. Under the shadow of the grotesque form, they shook.

Davi Razuj
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