Nerdzilla the Preposterous

Matteo stood outside the estate, staring at a green garden hose, wondering how something so banal could be attached to something so extravagant. Suddenly, one of the leaded glass windows creaked open. “What are you doing here?” inquired a butler.

Matteo just stood there, bewildered. That green garden hose, attached to a most exquisite statue! How can such fine art be ruined! And yet the statue showed his mighty hose, laid it all out there, for the world to see. “For goodness sake, give him some pants!” The butler couldn’t

bear to look at the thing. "I am abashed, sir!" he said as he turned in his resignation. Afterward, Matteo sat in the sculpture garden, wondering who would polish the statues & shoo the pigeons now that his butler had quit. He put an ad in the paper & collected CVs—one stood out.

“Nerdzilla the Preposterous can assist you with your mundane tasks!” Read the headline. (Yes, this resume had a headline.) “I’m obsessive about details and I can channel that obsession into making your life run smoothly. I’m expensive but I’m worth it!”

Nerdzilla the Preposterous was unceremoniously set aside by none other than the legendary DonGeek Kong the Prosperous. He can climb buildings with his feet which is no mean feat. Also he smashes stuff and he can destroy you in a 1v1 in any game. Overall, he’s just way cooler guy.