Dudley Dursley and the Chamber of Secrets

Dudley’s face is a horror in the frosted glass. Her lies were creeping back into his consciousness. All he had was some promise of a future together. Some bullshit she’d laid on him a thousand times when he was stupid enough

to believe in true love, to swallow up all her sweet nothings, to believe that what they had was special. He looked forward to a happy life with her and two kids running around… Poor Dudley was left for some spellcasting spectacle wearing boy who lived under his stairs.

But the real truth is that Dudley left her cold. He bored her. “You can’t spell ‘Dudley’ without ’DUD’!” That was written in her diary in purple gel pen. Luckily that diary was double locked. Unluckily…

she kept the keys on a rainbow shaped keychain that read "Dairy Keys". At 1st Dudley ignored them, knowing she'd be hurt if he read her private thoughts, but then it seemed like she was testing him, leaving the journal & keys in obvious places: the kitchen table, his pillow...

Dare he eat the fruit, and find out? Dudley finally gave in to his temptation, picked up her “Dairy Keys” and tried to unlock her diary. For some reason, it just didn’t work. Why, it says “dairy”, silly! It must be for the fridge, where she keeps her yogurt. He still didn’t know…

He unlocked the door to the walk-in freezer. Inside was yogurt of every kind: Greek, Kefir, Icelandic, ones with little Oreos on top. Dudley knew he was lactose intolerant but this was too much. He worked his way from the floor to the ceiling, not stopping to feel the discomfort.