Slaughter Melon

There was a cold breeze blowing. She walked along the pier on her way back to his house in the twilight. A fear of the unknown ran through her veins, her stomach was uneasy. She leaned down as if to throw up.… but her reflection made her snap out of it. She looked so tired.

She look so, so pregnant. Why had she said yes to the free booze. She took a long sip of the metallic water and wondered how Beverly had manages to impregnate someone so naive.

That’s when she lifted her maternity blouse to reveal a watermelon strapped to her stomach. Fresh fruit, smuggled in! Now to find a knife.

She took one from Caesar’s body, conveniently placed on the floor, then began to slash the watermelon under her blouse, performing the world’s first “Caesarian”. “Blood” flowed out from her stomach. Turns out, this was the first instance of “Sudoku” as well. The audience clapped.

"Sudoku? The math game?" one observer shouted. "Don't you mean seppuku? Hara-kiri?" "Harry Caray?" another shouted, "The longtime Chicago sportscaster? Holy cow!" "Cubs win!" another person cried. The woman with the knife & watermelon had lost everyone's attention. What to do?

She decided to set up shop right then and there — two pieces of fried chicken, alongside a slice of watermelon, and all for $1.99! The crowd quickly forgot about the Cubs and rushed to be first in line. That was when on April 15, 1989, the infamous Hillsborough disaster occurred.