Metal Detecting

Josh paced back and forth. He had never felt more nervous in his life. He knew Olivia loved him, but would she be ready for marriage? He felt in his pocket for the fifth time that afternoon, as if the ring would have magically disappeared while he was waiting for her.

The ring was gone! Josh checked his other pockets, but it wasn't there either. He got on his hands & knees, searched the sidewalk, ran fingers through the median's grass, checked the beaks of nearby pigeons. Panic chilled his gut. "What are you doing?" asked Oliva. She was early.

“I’m, um, wild gardening. Agribombing.” He looked up at her. “Not looking for a ring in the grass, no. It might look that way, but I’m planting native flora on this median. Oh, look at the time! Let’s go!”

He walked past me, hoping to escape in his pickup before I could say anything else. I grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks. “Now wait just a minute,” I said sternly. “I don’t think agribombing involves a metal detector. Come clean or I’m turning you in to the police.”

“Alright, you got me. I’m really looking for Buffalo pennies. I’m not actually sure what they are, ‘cide from being pennies, but an old guy at Tucker’s said there’s buckets of them out here and I ain’t got nuthin better to do.”

“As I suspected. A penny picker. Ever since Jack Changerson discovered pennies in that old fountain folks have lost their minds. Wishes don’t come true, boy!” “But sir, I wished for pennies.” I said.

“Well if it isn’t the false cause fallacy!” the old man retorted. “There always was pennies in that well! Don’t be smart on me, boy! Wishes don’t work, that’s just proven fact!” Now I really looked stupid. How did I really think I could get away with that? I guess it was sarcasm.

Whatever. I went over and collected every last penny, then laughed at his face. Wish granted, I guess.