The Pickiest Pirate

There was a huge raft of debris floating in the center of the lake. Some of it was trash, but a lot of the items look like they’d blown off decks, beaches, and boats. Coolers, umbrellas, sunglasses, folding chairs and tables. So many pool noodles.

I plunged my oar into the water and rowed my way over to the raft. There was some pretty good stuff to be had here. I figure, since this was weather-caused, that it wouldn’t really be stealing if I took anything. I got in the raft & looked around. Now what here was worth my time?

I looked around the raft and found five loaves, four crabs, three coconuts, two fish and a partridge in a pear tree, ripe for the taking. In true pirate fashion I plundered them all and carried them back to my boat. What? Morality is subjective. I gently rowed and rowed away.

When I tossed the bag of goods onto the deck, my shipmates cheered. "I knew you'd scrounge up some food, matey!" the cap'n said, patting me on the back. But there was one pirate who did not join in the celebration. Bad Black Sally, the pickiest pirate that ever sailed the 7 seas.

"Yarr! Move aside you hairy-arsed ballbags", she hoarsely exclaimed, barging through her hairy-arsed crewmates conscious of the fact that she too, like many of her pirate colleagues, was hairy-arsed. Unperturbed, she drew her cutlass and teased open the bag with the blade's point

. Through a small tear in the fabric, the scurvy hag saw a shimmer and her eyes widened with greed. She lunged forward and ripped the rest of the bag down, treasure spilling at her feet. It took a moment to register and she shrieked “NOOO! It’s millions of dried black beans”