Putting the Mush in Mushroom

Once, I had read how the mushrooms we see in the forest are not individual organisms, but part of a much larger whole that exists underground. But as best as I can tell, moving mushrooms don’t exist.

I’ve spent my life studying hundreds of thousands of various types of mushroom species, and in all those years, I’ve never seen one move. Today, however, is the day that my life has been forever changed. This morning, as I was checking my specimens, I noticed one of the smaller

fungi inch a milimeter to the left before freezing. Was it just my imagination? I pretended to turn away, appearing to be busy with the other mushrooms, when I immediately snapped my head back. Sure enough the little mushroom sneaked to the left, realizing too late that I was

watching. I wielded my dessert fork and caught it by surprise. No mushroom would be prepared for the this of all utensils. But this was no ordinary mushroom. It slid left again, then right. I grazed it with a tine but couldn’t catch it. This was one slippery fella.

Suddenly from out of nowhere came an enormous sledgehammer, it's huge iron head the size of an alternator crashing down unstoppably at thundering speed obliterating the mushroom the plate and the table, lodging firmly in the floor. Splinters and particles rained down as I blinked

in confusion, shielding my eyes with my hand & squinting up at the hole in the roof. I looked back down at the hammer, & realization slowly dawned as I made out the runes & Norse interlace on the surfaces of the head. Quickly I salvaged what I could of the mushroom & hid them in

the teapot. God today was turning out weird. Or ‘gods’ as the case may be. I lifted my hand holding the hammer. I said experimentally, “Away?” Nothing. Alright so we’re hoofing it. I scuttle out through the door, glancing guiltily back over my shoulder at the chaos I left behind.

And then i left