Mini Mayor for President

It was a quarter to midnight and the fire raged at the old sawmill. The townspeople gathered along the Sequoia River, staring in disbelief at the vivid reflections, feeling the terrible warmth on their faces. The one question on everyone's mind: where was Mayor Beech?

A popular mayor for years, Breechy, as he was commonly called, had appeared distraught after an incident involving a milk carton, feather boa and the local fire department. That night he packed his bags, left Peanut his turtle at the park pond and called his mother for a pick up.

Breechy’s mom pulled up in her customized safety orange Lincoln Town Car. “How’s my little mayor tonight?” She asked as he climbed in to the back seat. “Not great, Mom.” He scowled, sniffed, then asked “have you started smoking again? Gross!”

Breechy hated it when his mom smoked. It made her look trashy, and that wasn’t good for his rep. Not to mention her blazing orangy-red hair- and that make up! Gross. He also hated it when she called him her “little mayor”. Didn’t she realize the power he had? If she didn’t change

out of those gosh darn Juicy Couture sweatpants with the pink rhinestones before they left for the grocery store then he. would. flip. Breechy’s devoted TikTok fans were giving him so much grief and he knew he had to turn things around. That’s when he

threw on a headband, hit record, and let loose a rap. “Pants by Juicy / ratchet as Steve Doocy…” Every line was twice as ~dope~ as the last. The minute the first video dropped, it went viral, Beyoncé called to concede her throne, and IBM made him CEO. That was only the beginning.