Worth the Weight

You could tell from the way she picked up the weights that she was certain she was going to win this tournament. The audience seemed to agree right up until the moment something truly shocking happened.

The weight slipped from her hand, rolled across the floor and stopped at the feet of a fellow competitor. The audience gasped. The competitor, a man named Birch (because even as a baby his legs were dense like trees), picked it up and brought it to her. Their eyes locked.

“You’re respectability ripped, Miss.” he said as he handed her weight back. “Good luck in the lift-a-thon.” Then he winked and walked back to his spot.

"I don't believe in luck," she snarled. "I've got mad skillz." She hefted her weights & twirled them like a baton. Everyone in the room ran in fear of her losing her grip, envisioning the barbells flying & cracking someone's skull, but she never did. She truly had mad skillz.

Birch approached her. “Listen Birdie, I had an idea.” And the rest is history. They launched their comedy/powerlifting podcast “Weight, Weight, Don’t Tell Me” a month later. But that wasn’t even the most amazing thing to happen at the Lift-a-thon, because Tiny Tina was up next.

The crowd hushed as Tina skipped onto the platform wearing a chartreuse tutu, rainbow leotard, and a sparkling tiara. Eyelids fluttering, his bronzed 450lb bulk stood solid ready to deadlift over twice his own weight in metal. Silk gauntleted fists clenched, he readied himself...