Cease and Dance-ist

So it’s like that, I thought, letting the letter flutter to the ground as I tossed my head back in exasperation. This was not the first letter of this sort, but this one seemed urgent to the point of coming off threatening. Should I even justify it by acknowledging it?

How could my brother-in-law have done this to me? The contents of the letter ran through my mind. The words, “cease and desist,” “punitive damages,” “livestock,” “unpasteurized,” leapt out at me. I knew I needed to respond but how?!

Using my years of experience as an interpretive dancer I crafted the perfect response. It would require the right conditions: low light, three well-trained sheep and Ricky Martin’s latest jam. I called my brother-in-law and set a time for this legal rebuttal.

I pulled out my old binder from under the bed. Covered in dust, I wiped off the cover and opened to the first page. My trusty choreography manual. This was the routine that would catapult me to the top. I just had to gather my materials.

And went to the audition! I got my dancing shoes, my sparkly leotard and my trusty dancing cane. I felt ready! I memorized the choreography and felt good! I arrived at the spot and opened the doors and yelled!

“TAPPITY TAP, I LOVE TO TAP! SLAP AND CLAP! NEVER GO SLOW! IF YOU DON’T CAST ME IN THIS SHOW, I’LL SHUFFLE OFF TO BUFFALO-O-O-O!” And then I took a bow.