The Holiday Mixup

I twisted the noose in my hands, curving it into a heart shape. Happy Valentine’s Day, I thought. Nothing else I’d done or tried to do had ever meant anything, so here I stood on my wooden stool, steeling myself to perform the one gesture that I knew would be appreciated.

Hands trembling as I put the noose around my neck, tears slowly falling down my face, as I took one last look...there was a knock at the door....

I admit, I panicked. Kicking the chair prematurely, the squeeze at the neck came when I wasn't ready for it. Neither was my neighbor who just came in with a fresh pan of guano that he was planning to throw at my face for April Fool's. She screeched and threw it in shock at the

State Judge who was sitting to my right. “Practical jokes in court are I terrible idea!” I shouted.

“Oh, yeah?” the judge countered. He picked up his gavel and bounced it against his head, producing a loud squeaking sound, followed by a honk. “Overruled!” he announced.

The jury broke out in applause. They paid good money to be part of Judge Jorgensen’s mock courtroom and were not disappointed. The bailiffs worked the room in platform shoes and short shorts. The defendant and plaintiff each stood up and took a bow. Finally, the lights went dark.