The Greatest Story Ever Told

There was a hairy man at Walmart shopping for Valentine’s Day.

Frank trawled the aisles looking for the perfect gift with a glint in his eye. Whipped cream? Too messy. A nightgown? Too boring. He’d been married for 5 years but how well did he really know his spouse? “Can I help you?” a familiar voice asked.

He panics. “Sunflowers? Do you have sunflowers?” he said. Suddenly realizing he has asked for the one type of flower his wife despises.

"We just got a shipment of these purple ones," says the florist. "Perfect," he says. "I'll take two dozen!" No! he thinks. She hates purple! But he does not change the order. On the way home he buys the perfume that gives her a rash & pizza with pineapple. Coming home, he blurts

“Darling, I’m home! Hold on to your horses, I think I finally understand Opposite Day. You’re going to LOVE your gifts.” She replied “I hope you mean ‘hate’ them?”

He placed a large box in front of her. She eyed it with suspicion. The stench hit her as soon as she opened the box. Spoiled fish and an old shoe. She preferred it when he was less creative. “I… love it!” she exclaimed in opposite parlance. He immediately understood everything.