Operation Trolled By Siri

"You're insane!" The polished British accent of the victim doesn't faze you as you let out an evil laugh, starting off the bomb. You're one of the ones who always manages to get on the wrong side of the MI6 for no reason, after all. "Who cares! The world is already crazy anyway."

With a mere 30 seconds til detonation, you suavely put on your face mask and step over your victim. You allow yourself a brief moment to think about how you’ll spend your rich reward, then, without hesitation you fire a flare and repel off the snowy balcony.

You land deftly in the parking lot and sprint to your car, snicking he door shut as the blast detonates. You put the key in the ignition and are about to make your getaway when you suddenly feel a hand on your shoulder and breath in your ear. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Your training kicks in and you grab the questioner by the wrist, pinning your interlocutor to the back of the driver’s seat as you floor the gas. “This situation needs cooling off” you say through gritted teeth, “and what’s cooler than a Blizzard from Dairy Queen?!”

You unlock your phone. “Hey Siri, where is the nearest Dairy Queen?” Siri gives you directions to a DQ in a small town named Nearest, Iowa. You unleash a raw guttural scream and the questioner winces, cowering. You take 3 deep breaths. “Hey Siri, what is the CLOSEST Dairy Queen?”

Siri responds with directions to the closest area store. The listing says, Closed Dairy Queen. You tell the him the bad news, (forgetting that town is called Closed). The questioner looks crest fallen, so you tell him about the Ice Barn. He never asked about Dairy Queen again.