Shell Shocked

It was morning, I was ready for my breakfast. I went to the fridge, got two eggs, some bacon and a slice of bread. I turned on the stove, and just when I was ready to crack one of the eggs I heard a small voice..”DON’T EAT ME!”

I looked around confused and scared because I thought I was in the house alone. I looked down at my hands only to see my almost-cracked egg with a petrified face. I stood there with the strongest dumbfounded look on my face. "I must be trippin', bro." I put the egg on the counter

The egg leapt up to the top of the sugar jar, then yelled. "Hey bro! You know that person in the horror movie who's always actin' dumb? The one you're yelling at to get out of that house? That's you right now, bro!" I gasped, and rubbed my eyes. The egg was just

sitting there judging me. “I’m listening,” I said, picking the egg up and placing it on my shoulder, “walk with me.” The egg and I traded some fast, witty dialogue that would have made Sorkin smile, then clap, then weep with envy. “In any case, we’re going to need alfalfa. Lots.”

They walked some more until they spotted a bunch of alfalfa, sitting on a bunch of dried leaves. “Something doesn’t look right..”, said the egg, with sweat dripping on its eggshell forehead. There seemed to be metal underneath, almost invisible to see under the alfalfa.

The egg bent over and began frantically wiping away the leaves revealing a plaque—HERE LIES THE ORIGINAL OVUM it stated above the year: 1588. "Pepaw!" the time-traveling egg cried as a coconut fell from above pushing its sweaty face to the ground. "I tried," it wept. "I tried."