Of trolls and men

“Ed Every - Twitter superhero. Hire me to sort out your troll problem”. Too long - brevity was key for Twitter bios. “Ed Every - troll crusher”. Catchy, but maybe he needed a superhero name. Wait... “Everyman, your friendly neighbourhood troll crusher.” Perfect, now for some

backstory drama. ENTER: EVERYMAN-TROLL SLAYER! Not long ago the age of "the net" was born. Not the one with Sandra Bullock think AOL, discs of over 100,000 hours of free net! More man hours await of download time. Here, I had almost been duped by my first baby troll THE CATFISH

and I would not be duped again! I took my thick stack of CD-ROMs, many of them covered in Cheeto dust, and began exploiting this new ‘world wide web.’ I could only imagine the type of hidden troll knowledge I would discover, ingredients to make me the perfect troll assassin.

I had a new monitor, with magnificent 1200x800 pixel resolution. I had a new 2880 modem, the fastest on the market. I was ready to face the future.

Cackling maniacally to myself, I began to type my code into the DOS box. Once I could hack into the troll’s social media, I could easily begin the assassination process with reverse-trolling. It would be beautiful. I imagined the look on his face when all his nudes were posted

and all of trolldom would see his secret! Not a wart nor horn to be seen on his disgustingly unblemished skin. He was no troll at all. He was HUMAN!