The Summer of Meats and Cleats

It was the last warm day of summer. The public pools were closed so Terry and his friends headed to the beach. It was nearly dusk by the time they arrived.

To their surprise, their rival gang, the lunch ladies, had the same idea. By the time Terry and his crew got to the beach, it was overrun by meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

The sultry scent of these sundry provisions, meated and warm, aroused the suspicion of the awakening dorm.

After all, the pleasures of meat are primal. Everyone ran out the door, pants down.

The night was pregnant with purpose. If these brave boys couldn’t throw caution to the wind this evening, the night before their collective b’nai mitvah, when could they? Vern, the biggest boy, took the lead.

With a bat in his hand and courage in his heart, Vern let it fly. A towering home run was in the stars that night. Would it be enough to win the boys the respect of their parents?

Or would it rather spell doom for Vern and his ribald cohorts? Only time would tell, or so they say, down on that bayou where still waters run as deep as a child’s love for that great American pastime known as ‘baseball’.

And just like baseball, they struck out. Disappointment filled their faces. Now how would they impress the ladies?

Then all of a sudden Terry had a real home run of an idea. He reached into his backpack and pulled out a dogeared copy of Dick Duncan’s Land Sports: Tips, Tricks, and Sneaky Maneuvers.

He opened it to this favorite excerpt. Chapter 6, Section A: "If the pie is baking, don't wake the birds." Of course. It was suddenly so simple.

If the crows could only be convinced to peck at the fruits of Mrs. Henderson's pantry, then we might be in business. As it happened, sometimes 'flipping the bird' is easier to gesture than carry out.

And gesture we did. Chaos ensued, of course. While the birds did not notice, Harold the neighborhood curmudgeon was none-too-pleased. Old, but not frail, the war veteran let loose. The resulting bruises were no picnic, but brave in the face of adversity, we knew we were one step closer to success.