And that was the last time we saw your dad

Sleep is for the weak - those who don’t have a newborn and a six year old, those who wouldn’t survive 3 hours of sleep a night, spending countless more hours staring into the darkness, questioning their life choices. I am a mighty warrior, fueled by caffeine and forward momentum.

My wife emerges from the darkness of the baby's room. "We have 1 diaper left," she sighs. "Need we more, m'lady?" I ask, taking her hand in mine. "Um, yeah," she answers, "or do you want Ella to have diaper rash?" Quest given, I sojourn to the 24-hour Walmart, seeking Pampers.

Upon arrival, staring at the rainbow of diaper packages on the aisle, a sudden realization dawns on me: there are about three dozen varieties of absorbent cloth underwear to choose from.

Maybe, just maybe, with the right purchases, I can achieve my dream. I can play through the new Zelda game in one sitting. I study the packages to find the diapers that will fit me.

After putting on a diaper in case a seizure hit I got right back to my Zelda dream. I had just gotten the breath of the wild 2 as soon as it came out and my goal was to beat it in less than a week. I could beat all the other ones (especially majora’s mask) in a day.

I got comfortable in my crowded pants and booted up the game. Theme song hit me so hard, I expelled some urine. 4 days in, I was ahead of schedule. Day 5, I met the big boss. 127 hours later, I’d done it. I went to tell others of my triumph but realized I could no longer move.