A Tale of Two Tails

Ask any truth seeker, meme peddler, or GIF archeologist worth their salt about feline mythology and they’ll chat your ear off about fine bois, chonks, and absolute units. But only someone truly depraved will tell you the twisted tale of Quincey the ill-fated Queen of Chonktober.

Quincey the Calico, as fine a furball as ever sitted where she fitted. Already known for her ample acreage before the momentous incidents of summer 2019. Her hooman aksidentaly put Count Chocula in her kibble container. Over the following month, maximum chonk was achieved.

She had transformed into an absolute unit. The chocolatey goodness that filled her bowl every morning changed everything. She had heard of felines feasting on loops and the like, but her journey to chonksville was all her own. "Oh lawd" she thought to herself "what now?"

Naturally, she joined a spin class, genuinely surprised by the variety of chonks in attendance. Each lined up, one after another, on tiny bicycles. “Feline the burn!” yelled the only fine boi who, not surprisingly, turned out to be the instructor. Did the queen have what it took?

Getting ready for the class, the Queen traded her tiara for her favorite Sweaty-band™ with extra rhinestones. "Heckin noice", exclaimed the trainer when he beheld her drip. Even though she was the chonkiest in the gym, he began to think about siring a litter with her.

He wrote "♥︎Mr. Queen♥︎" on his time card folder, piled pillows on the couch & pretended she was watching TV with him, did image searches of chonky engagement rings. But the exercise worked—she got svelte! It killed his attraction, & he prayed a new chonktress might join the gym.