Bon appétit mon cher reptile

My name is Wendyloopylyn Catrinalucious the Third. I was named after my grandmother, grandfather, aunt, uncle and neighbor’s dog. My story is a little weird, everything happened on a typical Monday morning, I was on the kitchen table eating my favorite breakfast,

cacti spines dipped in the honey of the Lackadaisical Hornet paired with the best black milk that fish can produce. I was looking down over my father's business empire (who else do you think can afford that sort of breakfast?) when some one used the archaic knock. They could have

said anything and it would have felt like a vulgar intrusion on this most decadent meal. “How dare you interrupt,” I said, wiping the fish milk from my mouth. “What could be so important?” The terrified bellhop backpedaled slowly at first, before spinning around and running away.

“And don’t you come back without the anise ravioli deep-fried, as I ordered it!” I shouted to the bellhop as he scurried away. “What do you have to do to get good service?” I said to my dining companions, “Invade a planet?” The table erupted with reptilian guffaws.

When the ravioli arrived it was clearly microwaved and not fried. The bellhop placed it on the table nonchalantly. Not wanting to appear weak to my reptilian cohorts I stood up (not an intimidating presence at 8 inches tall), threw the plate to the ground and ordered a redo.

My pasta-dumping fury charmed them. The scaly beasts lifted me up, careful not to snap my tiny bones in their claws. "Yess!" they hissed. "You sshall be our new sspokesperssson!" I was given a mic & mission. Down w/ mammals! Viva la reptiles! Thank you for coming to my TED talk.