Physics of Gaming

Phil Harwell

Benjamin Chandler

Marta P

Jay Knowles

Jacob Sherman

Sean King

Ross Weijer

Sammael Hernandez

Raj Chaklashiya

Sam Becker

English

It's not fair, it's not fair! Why did it have to be him? Sweat droplets come from off my face as I raise my hand, I'll take my friend's spot. The grin off of Deo's face resonates pure evil. "Very well, Geovoni your saved... for now" Geo looks at me in horror as the guards pick me

to be the Big Winner of a year’s supply of fish sticks. “Congratulations,” said Ethel, who barely showed any emotion.
“Geovani,” I said. “I’m sorry. I hope you never

run out of tartar sauce." Geovani took my hands in his. "There's 1 thing I never told you about me," he said. "I am heir to the Ta-Ta Tartar Sauce empire." My eyes welled with tears of joy. I was never one for brand loyalty, always buying whatever was on sale, but Ta-Ta's was the

only item on my grocery list I didn’t mind splurging on. In fact, buying that sweet, sweet, creamy goodness was the highlight of my week. I longed for the moment I got a new bottle of it, and saw it as my reward for completing yet another arduous week.

The glorious Hidden Valley, Holy Grail of the South. I kept it in a glass case for everyone to see. When dinner came I grabbed the bottle and blessed the food with it. I raised a fork to my mouth and tasted heaven itself. Delightful. Delicious. Dessert.

It truly was a religious and spiritual experience. I was filled with the spirit of Father Dad and felt myself rising from my chair. That was it. The true moment. I opened my mouth. “They call me ranch,” my daughter shaking in her seat, “because I be dressing!” She instantly died.

I turned to my son, and commanded him to pull my finger. But he was too wise to fall for that old trick. I’d raised him well, but now I had no excuse to expel my gas. The dog was outside, I’d have no one to blame it on either.

Scientists don't know exactly how many spontaneous combustion cases result from this sort of situation. But if there's one thing I didn't want to be when I shed this mortal coil, it's a fart statistic. Thus, it was with resolute chagrin that I took a deep breath and relaxed ...

For a moment, I was ready to accept that the resolution I feared would never happen. Then I remembered what my grandfather had taught me. Kick your brain to the curb. I leaped into the air, and right when I was ready to achieve a state of Nirvana never seen before, I exploded.

Next thing I knew, I was up in the clouds, in a daze. An angel greeted me. "Welcome to the Afterlife Hotel Resort, where you can live out the rest of your days in a state of Nirvana and bliss!" Wow, that sounded nice. But I didn't like that I was dead. How do I return to life?

Death and Tartar

ZMKCDcYJbUhYECJasbXMOO9VuH63

Emily J

They say, be careful what you wish for. I really, really wish I had heeded that advice. But it’s too late to try to wish away the mess I created the day I found the odd, tarnished lamp in grandfather’s attic. Up among the spiderwebs and dust, I gave it a quick rub to shine it up.

I know what you're thinking. You think you've read this before, that a genie came from that old lamp & granted me 3 wishes that eventually bit me in the butt. Dear reader, do you really think this story will go in a predictable direction? Ha! It wasn't a genie that emerged, but a

Ferret, who happened to be a bookie. Luckily I had a hot tip on a horse, and a sawbuck burning a hole in my pocket. “This time tomorrow, I’ll be flush! Mark my words, fur-face!” I said to the smirking weasel.

I then laughed to myself at the stupidity of this situation. "You will have everything coming for you animal. And wipe that smirk off your face! You're dumber than I thought if you think you have any reason to be happy."

And sure enough a group of archaeologists came across the accursed genie. They quickly stuffed the magic lamp in the bag and took off with it. Who knows what they did to it. But at least I had my revenge.

Ten years later I came across that same magic lamp, this time displayed in an elaborate glass case. People marvelled at the ancient artifact, which glowed a glistening gold. Filled with utter joy I could not contain my exhilaration. “It belongs in a museum!”

Betting on a wish

bqezunu4rGePc1ivMdAVFGOvEBQ2

zeej qooj

The man walked over to the stage. He recognized the singers as Mary and William Duchance, the local crazy Christian family. Bizarrely, the couple decided to use karaoke night to spread their less-than-popular ideals.

Mary & William were Adamites, members of a 2nd century sect that believed in nudism as a means of returning to the innocence of the Garden of Eden. "Hi, folks," Mary smiled into the karaoke mic. "Bill & I hope to regale you with our favorite song, 'The Bare Necessities'."

“I hope she ain’t about to strip nekkid,” Ethel muttered to Carl. “I heard one time that they —“
“Ahem,” said Mary. She looked Ethel in the eyes. “Are you done? We’re here to SING. Got it?”

“Oh we’ll SING alright, what’s up? Did you enjoy that time when you and Emma went to the sauna without me? Yeah I remember.”

“Who’s Emma?”

Carl stepped forward with both his hands out. “Whoa, hey, cut it out!”

Ethel swatted away his hand. “Oh I’ll cut something out!”

Ethel reached for a broken beer glass. She was about to bring it down on Carl when his quick thinking saved him. She found herself on the floor, her glass shattered into a million pieces. Just like her relationship and her fragile heart.

She lay there for what seemed like an eternity, but was actually about 25,000 years. When Venusian archaeologists discovered her remains, and the glass fragments, they made the assumption that human hearts were made of glass which, in Ethel’s case, wasn’t too far from the truth.

Leap of Faith

tCO6wHJBWuTTEMry5LEPxiWD5B63

Zoe Becker

The Wordplayer

In the last 5 years, the desperado had grown to love the cat. La Palomillo had left town 5 months prior, but this was an event that she simply could not miss.

The desperado made the cat wave a fuzzy paw at the unaging Spanish princess. "Hola, la Palomilla," he chimed. "Have you decided on a name for your cat?" la Palomilla asked. The desperado watched the cat lick its behind. "I was never given a name & so shall it be with my cat."

The cat grimaced and looked up at his captor. “My NAME is Howard, sir.” The princess smiled and nodded. “So good to see you again after all these years, Howard.”

"Would you like a cup of tea?" the princess continued. Puzzled, Howard stared at her, perplexed. "Could I get a bowl of milk instead? Also, be a dear and stir some Nesquik in there too," he replied, unsure of whether or not there were any ulterior motives behind her inquiry.

“Anything else?” Howard put on his best accent. “And while you’re at it, make sure you get me a bot- a bottle- a bo’oh’o’wa’er.” According to historical lore, the British made their “t”s silent after that one fateful incident where a few Americans dumped British tea in the ocean.

“A what of what, now?” the waiter said patiently.
The jig was up. I wasn’t gonna pass for a local, no matter how hard I try. In response, I put on my best Texas drawl, and said “I reckon I’ve have uh bottle of water, son.” I think he understood me this time.

Instead, she picked up the kitten, gently wrapped her in paper (with air holes, of course) and gave her to the desperado. “Meowwie Christmas,” she said. An unexpected move and a successful one. They ended their feud and became best friends.

Rietje Becker

Paws for Reflection

Paws for Reflection: Part II

efTKalnu5SZymKgxb86l4m6bRPf1

Jerry glanced down at the photograph in his hand, then back up again at the woman sitting alone at the back of the cafe.

He was quite surprised to see her here. It was definitely the same person from the photo. Jerry got up and began to walk towards her.

All at once a blinding light coursed through the space. Jerry and the woman froze. And then a creature appeared, seemingly from the air itself.

He reached into his back pocket, pulling out his pocket knife extremely slowly. If he was going down, it wouldn't be without a fight.

Sammael Hernandez
@sammaelhernandez

Lifetime
Lines

Awards
Earned

Member
Since

Awards

Sammael's Stories

Sammael Hernandez@sammaelhernandez

LifetimeLines