Johanna M

Sunny Anomaly

Carrie Gessner

Sade Andre

Kara S

I took my sharpie and I wrote all over his car. I couldn’t believe that

he would bring my sister into our bed and expect me not to find out. That jerk!! I sharpied little obscenities all over his stupid car, along with some rather crude and immature drawings of certain body parts. In big, bold letters, I wrote the words “CHEATERS NEVER PROSPER.”

I stood there, sharpie in hand, and admired my graffiti on his car. Some rubbing alcohol and a cloth and he’d probably be back on the prowl. I’d still be here with the pain of knowing he cheated on me with my sister. Just above dad’s toolbox I saw

the baseball bat he used in his minor league career. That, I thought, would REALLY do some damage. I took it down from its place of honor and hefted it in my hands. Back at the car, I went for the side mirrors first, which broke with a satisfying smash. My grin felt unnatural as

snow on a hot day. Each swing felt better than the last, leaving a hunger i couldn’t feed. As a circled around the car taking pride in the damage i had done the feeling of remorse never appeared. it was almost like

English

any feeling heart I had before was pulverized within the car wreck and was replaced with pure adrenaline. Evil and good no longer existed for me as I tilted back my head and howled with bloodthirst gnawing through my veins. This was not enough. The eternal hunt for more began.

Cheaters Never Prosper

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Tracie+L Mauriello

Lauryn Zimmerman

Where am I going to find a box of grits at this hour? It’s an unconventional ingredient, as far as magical components go, but Southern Magic did things differently. For one thing, the incantations are spoken much slower, and for another…

they have a lot more of a relaxed feel, as you would expect what with Southern hospitality and all that. But not being currently *in* the south, grits aren’t as much of a staple, and therefore can’t be easily acquired at 2AM on a Tuesday. Pacing around the room, I ask Siri for a

good old-fashioned smack in the head for helping it work, but unfortunately Siri didn't come equipped with any appendages. "I can direct you to the nearest grit-producing service. It is currently four hours away through desert on horseback. A cowboy getup is recommended." My head

was too big for a cowboy hat so that was out. I would have to do this wearing the ballet costume I had arrived in.

I hiked my leg up onto the stool, revealing thigh hair, garter and all. The patrons looked at me with sleepy curiosity, unsure of whether I would drink the whiskey or smash the bottle and lunge across the bar.

The patrons watched in amusement as I consumed the whole bottle of whiskey in one gulp. Cheers erupt throughout the entire bar. “Big Gulp Gilford! Big Gulp Gilford!” they repeated over and over again. I liked the way it sounded and now I’m known as Big Gulp Gilford in the South.

Johanna M
@johannamoyer

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Johanna M@johannamoyer

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